you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
