Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
