Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
