my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
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I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
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I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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