It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
