sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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