"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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