toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
