There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
