I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
