saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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