I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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