the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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