worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
