Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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