bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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