its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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