thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
last night I used snow as a chaser
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