Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
