I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
