there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
