My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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