I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
