May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
