It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
