I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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