DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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