home. puking in laundry basket.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
