I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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