The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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