I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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