i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
