I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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