The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
