it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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