I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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