sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
