grandma shit on top of the toilet
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
