I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
