He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
