Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
