Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
