he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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