pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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