The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize