I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
