overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
