Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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