I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Randomize
