Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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