I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
