Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
