I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
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