dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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