the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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