Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
