after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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