the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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