I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
