Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
