Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
