Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Are my feet made of real feet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize