some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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