I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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