she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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