If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
