DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we made out on top of his cat.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
