we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
