his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
