now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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